Sunday, September 2, 2012

I hate writing this kind of post because even though I believe in full blog disclosure, honesty, real life blah blah blah, it still sucks. The last 2 weeks have been terrible. Absolutely, hands down one of the worst few weeks of my adult life. Every single thing that could possible go wrong has. A sick grandpa (he's much better now...) The reminder of my non-existent relationship with my Mother. A negative bank account. A completely messy house with 2 new roommates moving in. Stupid fights with my better half. Paycheck's late. Bank holding said late paycheck for an absurd 10 days. Business stress. Business drama. Crappy emails. Terrible diet. I could care less about blogging, responding to emails, or being on the internet much at all. We're behind on EVERYTHING. Our business is suffering. I feel like all of our plans for Renegade have fizzled into sacrificing what we can do the day before we leave on our trip. Maybe not the best way to kick off our first festival, but Doug says the product is most important, not a rad looking booth. I know he's right. The list keeps going on. It's one thing piled onto the next and my stress level has been through the roof.

And the kicker, after this one shitty day of this one shitty week. I went to the store tonight, spent money we don't have to make a late dinner, made dinner, got everyone's bowl together except mine. I reached up in the cabinet to get another bowl from the top shelf and knocked over a mason jar that shattered in the last bit of dinner. I cried over everything that was weighing on me. I cried over the fact that we're running so behind on orders. I cried over not seeing my grandpa this week. I cried over lack of sleep and dirty hair and stupid decisions. I cried over shards of glass in my hamburger helper. Being an adult is heavy, and it's hard. 

I know everything will work out. I know it. I feel like I have been working non-stop, but can't catch my breath and I just can't catch up. Owning my own business has been harder than I ever expected. I never thought it would weigh on me so very much. I'm not looking for pity or confirmation of my choices, I just need this blog to be the space where I can say anything. Shit sucks, but it will be better soon. I am really looking forward to Renengade. I am looking forward to a week off work and on the road with Doug. I am excited to spend so much quality tome with the man I love, and not worry about emails, business or anything really. I am eyes deep in Sons of Anarchy, working until the sun comes up and drinking more coffee than I would like to admit. I have such good friends to lean on and I feel so lucky for that. I am excited to get excited about working again. About the projects we have been working on, that makes me happy. But I have thin skin and a weak spirit right now, and there's nothing much to say about it, except that it is. It just is what it is - life. 

I know that I will be back to myself in a few days. Thanks for reading this, and not judging me too harshly. I need to remember this week and appreciate the good all that much more. I hope your weekend has been good to you. 


{I disabled comments on this post. If you want to share your thoughts, you can always email me, I can't promise an immediate response, but you know me...I won't leave you hanging. xo.}