Saturday, August 20, 2011


Nobody ever told me that I can't do exactly what I want, all of it, every single project, every single venture. I always made do, and I have always followed my dreams. I always do what I want. I wanted to work in television, so I did. I wanted to make children's films. So I did. I wanted to work in a bakery, so I did and did and did. No body ever told me that I couldn't. So I always have. It took me longer than some people to figure out my place in the world. I have a lot of interests and my ability to focus on a lot of different things at once is pretty spot on. I like to waste time and be lazy like everyone, but for the most part I'm good at what I set my mind to.

On the other hand, nobody has every forced me to do anything that I didn't want to do, not my parents, not my teachers, no one. If I wanted to do ballet and quit 3 weeks later, that was okay. I played softball for 3 years. I played soccer for 2. Quit and quit.I took acting classes, improv, pottery. I used to spray paint stencils, paint portraits of Ludacris, made dioramas, sewed clothes and studied Arabic. But I quit all of it. Because no one has ever encouraged me to finish what I start, it's all on me to have the drive and the energy to make dreams come true. If something was hard or I didn't like it or I lost interest, I've always just given up. Said whatever. Moved on. Until recently. Now it seems, everything I do is hard. But finally, I think I have found the courage in my self to push through the hard parts and make it all worth it. Not just in myself, but in having an incredible partner who pushes me through the hard parts; or more, goes with me through the hard parts.

When I was a kid, 13, or maybe 14, I wrote in my journal I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be covered in tattoos and own a hip vintage boutique. I wanted to be an excellent cake decorator and I wanted to have a bunch of dogs and marry a skateboarder. Yes. All of those things. And whats crazy is that I have done it all. I've been a teacher, I loved it. I don't miss it really, but I loved it. And now, look at me. Pastry Chef, soon-to-be boutique owner. Tattoos. Skateboarder. The works! You don't believe me. Well, you'll have to try, because those journals are long gone. But it's true. I wanted to do everything. I also wanted a tunnel from my closet to the mall that let me shop for neat stuff at night when everyone was sleeping. And I wanted a 66 ss Chevelle. So not all my dreams came true, but for the most part, 12 years later, I have everything I could possibly ask for. I feel so lucky and full of joy. But it's still hard. When Doug was teaching me how to make sunglasses, I almost gave up 100 times. I didn't know how to use the tools, I didn't have the patience to do it properly, so I kept messing up. At first, I blamed it on my lack of attention to detail, but I complex follow recipes to a T every day. I do have an attention to detail. I just don't have an easy time learning new things, so I wanted to quit. But I didn't. We didn't.

I have someone in my life who pushes me. Who encourages me to do what I love and learn new loves. I finally feel like I am figuring out exactly who I am and who I want to be in this world. Everything has worked out so incredibly since we moved to California. I never imagined it would be so incredible, and really, I'm glad I have made so many friends to share it with. I am thankful for my little blog. I am thankful for all of you. You push me through the hard parts, too.



  1. I am over joyed that you posted this. It is so nice to hear that you were never told you can't. I am also excited that you have been pushing through to get your goals.
    did you forget to tell me something about you and a skateboarder?

  2. I just want to say that it's awesome that you tried everything that you quit. There is no life clause that says you have to be good at everything or always finish what you start. Maybe going for three years doing something was just as long as you needed to do it? Just the fact that you tried so many different things is so awesome! I am a totally different person now than I thought I would be when I was younger. I never had much of a "plan" per se, but I have always known that as long as I am happy, then I am doing the right thing. And, because life isn't always happy, I know that sometimes life is going to suck for a bit, but things will always work out in the end if you truly believe it.

    In summary, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm glad you have found your way this far in life!