On the other hand, nobody has every forced me to do anything that I didn't want to do, not my parents, not my teachers, no one. If I wanted to do ballet and quit 3 weeks later, that was okay. I played softball for 3 years. I played soccer for 2. Quit and quit.I took acting classes, improv, pottery. I used to spray paint stencils, paint portraits of Ludacris, made dioramas, sewed clothes and studied Arabic. But I quit all of it. Because no one has ever encouraged me to finish what I start, it's all on me to have the drive and the energy to make dreams come true. If something was hard or I didn't like it or I lost interest, I've always just given up. Said whatever. Moved on. Until recently. Now it seems, everything I do is hard. But finally, I think I have found the courage in my self to push through the hard parts and make it all worth it. Not just in myself, but in having an incredible partner who pushes me through the hard parts; or more, goes with me through the hard parts.
When I was a kid, 13, or maybe 14, I wrote in my journal I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be covered in tattoos and own a hip vintage boutique. I wanted to be an excellent cake decorator and I wanted to have a bunch of dogs and marry a skateboarder. Yes. All of those things. And whats crazy is that I have done it all. I've been a teacher, I loved it. I don't miss it really, but I loved it. And now, look at me. Pastry Chef, soon-to-be boutique owner. Tattoos. Skateboarder. The works! You don't believe me. Well, you'll have to try, because those journals are long gone. But it's true. I wanted to do everything. I also wanted a tunnel from my closet to the mall that let me shop for neat stuff at night when everyone was sleeping. And I wanted a 66 ss Chevelle. So not all my dreams came true, but for the most part, 12 years later, I have everything I could possibly ask for. I feel so lucky and full of joy. But it's still hard. When Doug was teaching me how to make sunglasses, I almost gave up 100 times. I didn't know how to use the tools, I didn't have the patience to do it properly, so I kept messing up. At first, I blamed it on my lack of attention to detail, but I complex follow recipes to a T every day. I do have an attention to detail. I just don't have an easy time learning new things, so I wanted to quit. But I didn't. We didn't.
I have someone in my life who pushes me. Who encourages me to do what I love and learn new loves. I finally feel like I am figuring out exactly who I am and who I want to be in this world. Everything has worked out so incredibly since we moved to California. I never imagined it would be so incredible, and really, I'm glad I have made so many friends to share it with. I am thankful for my little blog. I am thankful for all of you. You push me through the hard parts, too.