This is one of the only photos I have of myself as a baby. My mom has boxes and boxes of photos, but you already know that situation. So, my dad sent me this photo with my rock collection and I love it. It is so me. Tank top, sweet shades and uh...a sideways cap? Ha!
I was feeling sad last night and cried for a little while on my boyfriends lap and talked nonsense until I realized I'm just stressed out. I'm still sick and it's taking a toll on me, I need more hours at work, I'm worried about bills, and I miss my mom. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of great things going on right now, and we're happy. But, I'm human and I have mini-breakdowns sometimes. Maybe more often than other people, or maybe not. I don't know.
I was thinking a lot after reading Danielle's post about friendship. It actually affected me a lot more than I expected. I can be very much a homebody, I like being in a comfortable space, I don't like being in a place where I don't know very many people, or where I can't hear people talk, or where I feel out of place/insecure. I am not one to go out by myself, so when Doug is out skating, or goes to bars, I opt to stay home. I'm not a drinker, and I like hanging out, but I can only do that so much before I get bored and antsy. That's just me. But, I don't really have anyone besides Doug to talk to, and a handful of blogger friends who shower me with incredible heartwarming emails, and maybe that's why I love blogging so much. It feels like I am having conversations with my pals and it feels natural. And I don't even have to brave the crowds of everyday society.
This isn't really the post I planned on writing, and has kind of gone off into a million tangents, but my brain is racing. Anyways, I guess I am just feeling disjointed, uncertain, and miss having girlfriends to talk to. My Tucson friends all have families and little children and don't have the time to talk on the phone with little old me. It's not the same anyways, as eating pizza and riding bikes and talking for hours and hours. It just isn't the same.
I miss Alex and Alita, the two best friends I have that I am sad to realize we're drifting as far as the miles that are between us.
I don't know why all of this is racing through my mind, but I had to get it out and let go and start focusing on the positive things that are happening in my life. I'm trying. I have a lot of ideas and have a lot of goals that need to be reached. These mini-meltdowns are just hindering the process of being successful.
So friends, thanks for listening. I'm pretending we're eating pizza and riding bikes right now. How do you deal with stress? How do you handle the everyday challenges of being broke, young, insecure, tired, and generally awkward? Do you ache for different friendships? Do you want to be penpals, skype, plan trips or come over and have a craft night? Because I do. Do you want my advice, do you want to give me yours? Am I the only one struggling with these things right now?
Now I am going to kick todays ass. Keep it real friends and thanks again.