Mini-Meltdown, Angst and Friendship

This is one of the only photos I have of myself as a baby. My mom has boxes and boxes of photos, but you already know that situation. So, my dad sent me this photo with my rock collection and I love it. It is so me. Tank top, sweet shades and uh...a sideways cap? Ha!

I was feeling sad last night and cried for a little while on my boyfriends lap and talked nonsense until I realized I'm just stressed out. I'm still sick and it's taking a toll on me, I need more hours at work, I'm worried about bills, and I miss my mom. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of great things going on right now, and we're happy. But, I'm human and I have mini-breakdowns sometimes. Maybe more often than other people, or maybe not. I don't know.

I was thinking a lot after reading Danielle's post about friendship. It actually affected me a lot more than I expected. I can be very much a homebody, I like being in a comfortable space, I don't like being in a place where I don't know very many people, or where I can't hear people talk, or where I feel out of place/insecure. I am not one to go out by myself, so when Doug is out skating, or goes to bars, I opt to stay home. I'm not a drinker, and I like hanging out, but I can only do that so much before I get bored and antsy. That's just me. But, I don't really have anyone besides Doug to talk to, and a handful of blogger friends who shower me with incredible heartwarming emails, and maybe that's why I love blogging so much. It feels like I am having conversations with my pals and it feels natural. And I don't even have to brave the crowds of everyday society.

This isn't really the post I planned on writing, and has kind of gone off into a million tangents, but my brain is racing. Anyways, I guess I am just feeling disjointed, uncertain, and miss having girlfriends to talk to. My Tucson friends all have families and little children and don't have the time to talk on the phone with little old me. It's not the same anyways, as eating pizza and riding bikes and talking for hours and hours. It just isn't the same.

I miss Alex and Alita, the two best friends I have that I am sad to realize we're drifting as far as the miles that are between us.

I don't know why all of this is racing through my mind, but I had to get it out and let go and start focusing on the positive things that are happening in my life. I'm trying. I have a lot of ideas and have a lot of goals that need to be reached. These mini-meltdowns are just hindering the process of being successful.

So friends, thanks for listening. I'm pretending we're eating pizza and riding bikes right now. How do you deal with stress? How do you handle the everyday challenges of being broke, young, insecure, tired, and generally awkward? Do you ache for different friendships? Do you want to be penpals, skype, plan trips or come over and have a craft night? Because I do. Do you want my advice, do you want to give me yours? Am I the only one struggling with these things right now?

Now I am going to kick todays ass. Keep it real friends and thanks again.

xo,

Bec

UGH!

This is how I feel today. Too many words to fit in a word bubble. Obsessively thinking about everything that is happening, worrying, worrying, stressing out, trying to fit too much in a box, not enough in another, sweeping, cleaning, stressing. Ugh! I just keep telling myself FIVE MORE DAYS!!!!

Here are some things that make me feel less stressed out, and very very happy.

This was our portrait in front of our Christmas tree (that you can't see) last Christmas. It was the first tree I have had since I was 8 years old. We NEVER had christmas trees at my Mom's house and my roommates had always gotten trees, but they had never been mine! Doug picked this tree out with me and we decorated it and I was totally in love. I can't wait to celebrate Christmas this year in our new house!! I have more ornaments from estate sales and the like that I have been collecting and am super excited to use!

OWL CUPCAKES! I'm going to make these after I get my kitchen set up in SD. I want to make some cupcakes for Greg and Paula as a huge thank you for everything. These may be the ones.

Bedazzled Taxidermy by Angela Singer She is one of my favorite taxidermy artists. Her work is incredible and if I cold afford it, I would have all of her work in our house.

Oh, and I stopped by the old bakery I used to manage, to pick up a thank you box of treats for the post office I go to every day. A little good-bye gift. I also got a box of Halloween cupcakes for Doug that Jes baked. When I hired Jes, I knew I made the right choice, and now she is running that kitchen. Cupcakes are her specialty.

You should visit her pretty blog and etsy store ilaughyellow
Can you tell how much I adore her? I hope she knows it too...

I CAN'T get motivated today. Doug has been doing stuff all day and I can't get moving. Oh well, I guess now is better than never. I have a to-do list that makes me sick just looking at it.

xo!

Stepping Back

It's hard to realize that sometimes there is only so much you can do. I am a worrier. A serious, full time worrier. I worry about everything. Our shop. Our move. Our dogs. I worry about my family, our future, my hair, the weather, the world, our cat, my shoes. You get the point. But right now, I feel like I am doing absolutely as much as I can do, about everything, and I need to take a step back, put the worrying in my pocket and just love the next week and a half we have in Tucson.

As for today, here are some things I love.
Red Velvet Cupcakes from Doug's Solo Show at Chief Print

A bike seat we just added to our shop.

And this little butthead.


Back to cleaning this giant home that won't be ours anymore in 13 days. 2 rooms down, 5 to go. I can't wait to have a smaller house that will be easier to clean and maintain.

xo.

Ever Changing

Today was exciting and nerve-racking and expensive, all at once.

We put in our application, finally, for the house. I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know I really want it and I hope that we qualify. Our amazing current landlord said great things when they called and that makes me super happy. I hope hope hope we get the place. It will be perfect for us if we do. It has a yard, is in a great neighborhood, and close to everything. Please cross your fingers and toes and send your good juju our way.

I also shipped out a lot of items from the shop today. We left the shop open while we were gone, so I had a lot of catching up to do.



Good for our business. Good for us. Good for all of you so we can get more treasures for the shop. On my mind right now...vintage spoon rings, watercolor on vintage photographs and sewing, lots of sewing. <3

Tonight is chicken wings and Nick Swardsons Pretend Time. Stoked.

xo.