I am cheating here. I wrote something else earlier, you may have read that. I wrote about my boring, unmotivated day and exactly what happened and now I just got back from the movies, and I'm feeling weird. I'm feeling so weird about blogging. About everything. I guess it's just frustrating. I feel like this space is an awkward teenager, trying to figure out what works. Sometimes, I don't feel like I know who I am writing for anymore. I am not going to pretend I'm just writing for me, I'm not. Obviously. That is what a diary is for. I know, I know, everyone is unsettled lately. Animosity, anonymity, jealousy, but seriously, it's not just a bandwagon to jump up on, I think a lot of bloggers have a lot of legitimate concerns on something that is important to so many of us.
To be really, really honest, this morning, I read something that really got to me. It wasn't nice, it wasn't funny, it was a sweeping generalization that (whether consciously or unconsciously) devalued other peoples relationships and said, in so many words, "what I have is more valuable and more legit than what others have." It wasn't directed towards me, and it wasn't even said by someone who follows me, but it was hurtful. It came from someone who I respected and truth, it bugged the shit out of me. I don't tell people how to live their lives. I don't care if you're die-hard vegan or if you eat McRibs every goddamn day of the week. I don't care if you drive a Hummer or only ride your bike. I don't care if you have 25 cats, or if you have 14 dogs. I just don't care. I do care, however, if you are kind, if you are nice to people, if you respect other peoples lifestyles or if you take full responsibility for being a gas guzzling, air breathing, contradiction of a human being. Instead of retaliating with a response, or defending what I think, I just did what a smart gal suggested, I "unfollowed." It really was that simple. I am not confrontational, but I am not a robot. I have a lot of thoughts and I know what feels right. FOR ME!
I know it's kind of passe to quote movies so bare with me, but we went to see The Rum Diaries the other day, and the quote that stood out to me so much is something along the lines of "Humans are the only creatures on earth who believe in god, yet they are the only creatures on earth who act like god doesn't exist." Now, to clarify, if you know me at all, I don't believe in god. I don't really think I am in any position to say what exists out there. I know we exist, I know we have a thing called a soul that helps us be good people, and I know that there is a ridiculous amount of amazing, good people out there. If you have religion in your life, and it helps you, more power to it. If you don't, same. The reason why that quote stood out to me isn't because it had anything to do with god. (I needed to clarify who I was before I got to this point, because I don't want to sound preachy, or anti-religion, neutral is the key right this moment.) but because often times, we stress kindness, or being honest, or staying true to ones self, yet lack the consideration and possibly, the filter, to follow those gentle guidelines we believe so strongly in.
Social media has a lot to do with it. Doug and I had a very, very long talk about it while we were working today (perks of the job...) I really was upset this morning and even though he doesn't really care much for blogging/twitter/etc, he said something really important. A long time ago, like the early 90s, if you wanted to share your opinion with the world, you had to go out and do it. Write a book, a zine, go to coffee houses and political rallies. If you didn't like what someone was doing, you had to tell them, to their face. I know, scary, right... but now, you can log onto your computer, or smart phone, or implanted twitter/blogger/facebook brain device (those exist right?) and say exactly what you feel without thinking for absolutely one moment, no matter who may be reading it and who you may be hurting.
I've been thinking a lot, and talking with a lot of the incredible friends that I have made from blogging, and on some days, I feel sad, I feel totally stressed out that I am behind on bills or that our business is not doing as good as I need for it to be doing. I read about other people living their dreams and I wonder why it isn't as easy for us...But, then I realize, they have probably chosen to only write about the good parts. I just read a little blog post by the oh-so positive Danielle that seemed to echo the thoughts of some of my other blogger pals. I think it's brave to talk about feeling insecure or envious. It's human nature, people! And yes, when it comes down to it, we chose what to blog about. We choose what outfit to wear, or what recipe to use, or what photos to share. It's kind of the incredible part of blogging, that you get to take the best (or the worst, most dramatic, scariest, exciting) moments of your life and time-capsule them, share them, brag about your kids, your cool job, whatever. It's your space, and you choose to let people into it. And we each hold our own insecurities. You may want more shoes. Or better hair. And shit, some blogger could be posting about feeding the hungry and giving away all her worldly possessions and she may still have great hair. That, my friends, is life.
It isn't just blogging where we, as people, feel jealous. I know people in my life who just seem to have it all. They seem to have all the luck. They seem to be eternally happy, and wealthy, and without concern. Yes, I think blogging should be about what you wore, what you do, rad DIYS, recipes, your small biz, your relationships, your life. Blogging is whatever you want it to be. Should you be honest. I think so. Should you be kind. Absolutely. Do you have to share everything? No, please don't. But can you talk about your shitty day without feeling like you're going to lose readers or feel like you are inviting the world to your pity party. I can only hope so. I want everyone to be cool, be nice, be friends. Nobody is a celebrity, and nobody is valued less than another. In my world, at least. Let's all be friends.
On that note, like I said above, I don't really know who reads this little blog anymore. But it would be cool to know who you are, and what you think about it all. Leave me a comment, send me a tweet, shoot me an email. I may not be the coolest person in the world, but I love blogging. It;s important to me, and you're all important to me. There. That's all I have to say.