Monday, November 7, 2011

Not All That Much (Revised)

I am cheating here. I wrote something else earlier, you may have read that. I wrote about my boring, unmotivated day and exactly what happened and now I just got back from the movies, and I'm feeling weird. I'm feeling so weird about blogging. About everything. I guess it's just frustrating. I feel like this space is an awkward teenager, trying to figure out what works. Sometimes, I don't feel like I know who I am writing for anymore. I am not going to pretend I'm just writing for me, I'm not. Obviously. That is what a diary is for. I know, I know, everyone is unsettled lately. Animosity, anonymity, jealousy, but seriously, it's not just a bandwagon to jump up on, I think a lot of bloggers have a lot of legitimate concerns on something that is important to so many of us.

To be really, really honest, this morning, I read something that really got to me. It wasn't nice, it wasn't funny, it was a sweeping generalization that (whether consciously or unconsciously) devalued other peoples relationships and said, in so many words, "what I have is more valuable and more legit than what others have." It wasn't directed towards me, and it wasn't even said by someone who follows me, but it was hurtful. It came from someone who I respected and truth, it bugged the shit out of me. I don't tell people how to live their lives. I don't care if you're die-hard vegan or if you eat McRibs every goddamn day of the week. I don't care if you drive a Hummer or only ride your bike. I don't care if you have 25 cats, or if you have 14 dogs. I just don't care. I do care, however, if you are kind, if you are nice to people, if you respect other peoples lifestyles or if you take full responsibility for being a gas guzzling, air breathing, contradiction of a human being. Instead of retaliating with a response, or defending what I think, I just did what a smart gal suggested, I "unfollowed." It really was that simple. I am not confrontational, but I am not a robot. I have a lot of thoughts and I know what feels right. FOR ME!

I know it's kind of passe to quote movies so bare with me, but we went to see The Rum Diaries the other day, and the quote that stood out to me so much is something along the lines of "Humans are the only creatures on earth who believe in god, yet they are the only creatures on earth who act like god doesn't exist." Now, to clarify, if you know me at all, I don't believe in god. I don't really think I am in any position to say what exists out there. I know we exist, I know we have a thing called a soul that helps us be good people, and I know that there is a ridiculous amount of amazing, good people out there. If you have religion in your life, and it helps you, more power to it. If you don't, same. The reason why that quote stood out to me isn't because it had anything to do with god. (I needed to clarify who I was before I got to this point, because I don't want to sound preachy, or anti-religion, neutral is the key right this moment.) but because often times, we stress kindness, or being honest, or staying true to ones self, yet lack the consideration and possibly, the filter, to follow those gentle guidelines we believe so strongly in.

Social media has a lot to do with it. Doug and I had a very, very long talk about it while we were working today (perks of the job...) I really was upset this morning and even though he doesn't really care much for blogging/twitter/etc, he said something really important. A long time ago, like the early 90s, if you wanted to share your opinion with the world, you had to go out and do it. Write a book, a zine, go to coffee houses and political rallies. If you didn't like what someone was doing, you had to tell them, to their face. I know, scary, right... but now, you can log onto your computer, or smart phone, or implanted twitter/blogger/facebook brain device (those exist right?) and say exactly what you feel without thinking for absolutely one moment, no matter who may be reading it and who you may be hurting.

I've been thinking a lot, and talking with a lot of the incredible friends that I have made from blogging, and on some days, I feel sad, I feel totally stressed out that I am behind on bills or that our business is not doing as good as I need for it to be doing. I read about other people living their dreams and I wonder why it isn't as easy for us...But, then I realize, they have probably chosen to only write about the good parts. I just read a little blog post by the oh-so positive Danielle that seemed to echo the thoughts of some of my other blogger pals. I think it's brave to talk about feeling insecure or envious. It's human nature, people! And yes, when it comes down to it, we chose what to blog about. We choose what outfit to wear, or what recipe to use, or what photos to share. It's kind of the incredible part of blogging, that you get to take the best (or the worst, most dramatic, scariest, exciting) moments of your life and time-capsule them, share them, brag about your kids, your cool job, whatever. It's your space, and you choose to let people into it. And we each hold our own insecurities. You may want more shoes. Or better hair. And shit, some blogger could be posting about feeding the hungry and giving away all her worldly possessions and she may still have great hair. That, my friends, is life.

It isn't just blogging where we, as people, feel jealous. I know people in my life who just seem to have it all. They seem to have all the luck. They seem to be eternally happy, and wealthy, and without concern. Yes, I think blogging should be about what you wore, what you do, rad DIYS, recipes, your small biz, your relationships, your life. Blogging is whatever you want it to be. Should you be honest. I think so. Should you be kind. Absolutely. Do you have to share everything? No, please don't. But can you talk about your shitty day without feeling like you're going to lose readers or feel like you are inviting the world to your pity party. I can only hope so. I want everyone to be cool, be nice, be friends. Nobody is a celebrity, and nobody is valued less than another. In my world, at least. Let's all be friends.

On that note, like I said above, I don't really know who reads this little blog anymore. But it would be cool to know who you are, and what you think about it all. Leave me a comment, send me a tweet, shoot me an email. I may not be the coolest person in the world, but I love blogging. It;s important to me, and you're all important to me. There. That's all I have to say.



  1. I read your posts every time you update. I love "catching up" with you even if we don't talk one on one. I like to think that we're still connected and can stay friends even if we don't know the next time we'll see each other (I hope sooner rather than later!).

    love you becabecabecabecabeca,

  2. I just came here via Skunkboy Creatures and I just wanted to say: this is a great blog entry and although I don't have a 'full on' blog as such (always dream about having one, but prefer to read them in the end!), I can totally relate to the points you have made here. We all have a choice in what we portray to the world, but that isn't always the
    'true reality'. Keep on doing the things that make you happy. Good deeds win the race.

    From your new follower, Rachel.

  3. you know i have a lot to say about this.

    1. the superiority and condescension that some blogger show has got to stop. a blogger with 8000 followers is no better and no more awesome than a blogger with 10 followers. and the one with a ton of followers are big because THE READERS MAD THEM BIG, not because they were born better and more fabulous than anyone else.

    2. i like the way you blog, and i like that it lets me see who you really are, not who you really want to be. you're honest, and i think anyone can appreciate that. so keep doing what you're doing.

    3. i think social media has its upside, but i think it has a much bigger downside. i think that too many people are too addicted to facebook, twitter, checking their email, whatever. i think social media killed the actual conversation, the need to have offline friends, and the weight of saying what's on your mind WITHOUT having the option of posting anonymously. and kind of echoing my first point, some people really let the internet and the persona they've created here go to their head.

    4. "i may not be the coolest person in the world..." um, yeah, you're right up there with them and i'm not telling you again.

  4. i really love your blog!!! and i think you are a very cool person!!!...
    i really like that your blog is so unexpected!!!..the fact that you can read a post like this one and then a recipe or something else is great.. that s life,sometimes you feel like sharing a crap day you had or sometimes you just want to speak about a movie or recipes or etc etc..
    i mean life is not always as pretty as the magic of edible glitter on top of cupcakes so i think its okay to speak about anything we want without being scared to be judged.. ...As you said the important thing is to be kind to each others..
    my boyfriend and i got a very very very small business and its not easy..its even very very depressing at time..sometimes you put so much effort into it and get so little back..
    anyway, all that to say.. i really enjoy reading your blog..and there is always a part of us that feel like awkward teenager!!
    take care

  5. It's interesting that you mention social media here, and how your business is doing. I actually wrote a post about how I nearly quit blogging because I realized that I was speaking with another's voice, not my own. We're bombarded with images and thoughts and words that tell us what to wear, how to think, what to believe and how to just "be." I do think that a lot of people blog about the good parts, which leaves our minds tainted and frozen. I often wonder, "How does this blogger buy so many clothes?" or "How does that blogger manage to take vacations all the time?" I always wonder, and it bothers me. Having said that, I understand your stress. I understand your concern and thoughts because, right now, I am entirely unemployed, and have no way to pay my bills. It is frustrating, but I remain honest. Though I still see things that "inspire" me, I don't have to share them if I don't feel like it. I am sure that you are learning much the same thing.

    Anyway, I appreciated reading this post. It was raw and pure, which is something that is sometimes difficult to find in the blogging world. I hope that things improve for you! Take care.

  6. oh darling do i know how you feel! Girl you totally kick ass! I know it is hard to always stay positive, but the reason I love reading your blog is because A) I can't catch up with you at Epic anymore (thankfully and sadly). B) You express how you feel and who you are. There is nothing wrong with that. You are human after all. I think moe people should see life that way, we are all human, emotions and all.
    love you!

  7. @Maxine Thank you. No matter how far away we are from one another, you will always be so dear to me and I didn't even know you read this thing. But I appreciate your nice comment and I love you.
    @Rachel, Welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere. Sorry you had to happen upon it on such a, er...interesting post. But, thank you for your kind words.
    @Danielle, You are such an inspiration to me, always, and I love you for that. If I stopped blogging today (which I wont, but if I did) I would be able to walk away happy knowing that I know you, and Carla, Cal, Sarah, Maria and Dizzie, and all of my other new amazing friends who are such a vital part of my life now. You mean more to me than I can even express. I love you for that!
    @mymessygirlfriend (what's your name??) thank you, I always appreciate your comments. We do put our whole selves into our business and often times don't get anything back but when we do, it is an earthquake of appreciations and love.
    @Dawn, I totally understand the feeling of not speaking in your own voice. Its frustrating, but sometimes you need write it out and find yourself. Thank you for your sweet words.
    @Sandra I love you and appreciate your support, always!

  8. I think it's really important to make smart choices about who you surround yourself, both in "real life" and online. These are people you interact with and who can really influence you--mood, attitude, etc. I try to go through my lists and friends fairly regularly to evaluate what I'm reading.

    And Beca, I love your transparency and real-ness. It's your style of blogging, and it seems to me, who you are. Keep up all the hard work!

  9. I love blogging for all the amazing people I have met and talked to.
    I hope we can talk too :)

    i havent experienced anything like this but have seen a lot of bloggers have been feeling down about blogging which is sad. I struggle a lot with anxiety and so many people here have inspired me to make so many changes. I love it.

  10. @E, I am incredibly transparent, and you're right, it is who I am, in "real life" and online. Thank you.
    @Larissa, anxiety can be so frustrating, I understand you completely. And of course we can talk too! Anytime!

  11. Okay, I went to write this amazing comment & then I read your reply to Danielle & actually got chills & kinda felt a welling in my throat.

    I do not think that anyone should feel entitled, high & mighty, or whatever one calls it. I also feel like in blogging we're losing humans & gaining people. Where have all the humans gone? Well I have you, Danielle, Maria, Carla, ladies keep me grounded, you keep me going. Not that I ever really blog but when I think of doing this you all are who I feel I am speaking to. You are my friends & I know that inside the blog world or outside, I will always have you galls to call on a rainy day & say hey.

    I'm rambling but where I'm going with this is...look at you, Danielle & Carla & how AMAZING your online businesses are. The quality of the product, the audience. Why can't everyone take tat with a grain of sand/salt/whathaveyou as you galls do & keep on keepin on? Why can't most successful business bloggers, fashion bloggers, blog blogger take their success & keep doing GOOD?!

    Now, I'm not trying to guess what happened, but all I know is that if it offended you, then it must be bad. & that does not fly in my mind. Offending the unoffendable is where the line is drawn. Because we are not offended by profanities or crude humor but lack of humanity. & where the heck did all the humans go?

    I feel honored to be considered your friend.

  12. this is a great post. i was really struck by the same quote in the rum diary. on another dorky note, i went to see tim gunn speak earlier this year and one of the things he stressed was that you should always BE NICE. of course there can come a moment where you have to stand up for yourself or someone else but i try to be nice to everyone, give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
    i'm in that weird blogging place too. i've had a live journal for a long time and love documenting the stuff i'm doing, but having a "public blog" is so weird sometimes. noticing that you lost a follower feels like a blow ( at least to me) which is dumb because who cares! i feel like when you starting worrying too much about what people "want to see" then your blog isn't as great because it isn't you anymore.
    i love reading blogs of people who are honest and share what is really going on with them. that is why i like yours so much, you aren't afraid to say how things are going for you. and i love seeing pictures of people's dogs. haha.

  13. Hi Beca,

    I read your blog! :) First I came because what you make is so unique. You carve sunglasses out of trees!! (Sort of, right?) I've always found myself a jill of all trades rather than a master of anything, and I find myself drawn to people that are really good at things, especially things that are so outside the realm of what I can do, or what I do.

    But a lot of people make cool things and lead cool lives, but I guess I stay and continue reading because there is a layer of confidante-ness to your writing. You write like someone who has a million other things to do, someone who can't bother with dressing up something that's a mess, someone who doesn't have time to stress over a word or the placement of a sentence. Because of that, what you write is relatable and sometimes, even the simplest posts about how difficult it is to get by sometimes, moving.

    Blogging gets a reputation of being about this and that (i.e. only write for you! sell your handmade goods! catalogue your life!), but I'm always drawn to people the way I'm drawn to people in real life. People who write from that place we all have, that place that is recognizable.

    So hi. And thanks.

    - Mel

  14. hey there, I don't always comment but I check back multiple times a week to see what you've been up to. I like your honesty and that you share whats o your mind, it makes you very human and also very sympathetic.
    The advice to unfollow someone mentioned in this post is probably from kaelah bee, right? I loved that post too! and it's true. I love blogging just as much as you and I sometimes get discourages aswell. I feel like noones reading or that it's not at all interesting what I write. and this is what it comes to again: you may write for yourself, but not ONLY for yourself, it's nice to have someone reading what you share.
    And I love reading your posts and recipes and whatever is going on. And I live in germany, on the other side of the world :)
    so yeah, you officially reach as far as europe,yay!

  15. I read your blog! :)

    I feel you. Me and my husband are at a strange time in our life where we are struggling financially and barely get to see each other. It's been hard and I always feel a hesitancy to write about it on my blog. I don't know, something about how public blogger is, and not knowing all my readers. But I do think it's important to say like, hey, I have shitty days too. Because I guarantee those people who look like they have it all together have times where they struggle. They just hide it well.


  16. I wish I could hug all of your for your sweet and thoughtful comments. I felt really scared to post this, but from from all of your words, I see there was no reason to be.
    Love. So much love.

  17. I have been away for some time from the blogging world/facebook/and even email. I am sad that I didn't get to comment on this. I hope you still see this.
    I want you to know that you are inspiring to me.
    To read about the things that you've accomplished so far...and to experience it all as you are experiencing is a gift. I am so glad that I met you through this strange blog world.
    I agree with everything you wrote above.

    I started my blog over a year and a half ago and I am chugging along at 150 followers.
    I guess the right people are reading.

    Where was I going with this?
    Oh yeah,
    you're not alone...and I appreciate you.
    And personally, I think blogs that show different aspects of a person's character keep my attention far longer.
    So you got my attention <3

  18. This was really well written. Kudos to you! :) I don't follow your blog,but I found it via Kaelah Bee. I really love honesty in people. The good and the bad. I might just follow your blog now. :)

  19. I loved the rawness of this post. I keep coming back to your blog for your uniqueness and that you're not like very other girl blogger out there. I've been following your blog for a little over a year now. I found you via Moms are For Everyone during last year's Fall Fashion Week. It's awesome to see how your company has grown and what you've been up to. I love blogging too and admit I get frustrated and jealousy too but I keep at it because I love the relationships I've developed from it. I've followed and unfollowed a ton of different blogs over the years; our tastes change sometimes as the times change and so do other people and then it shows in their blogs. I'm glad that I came across your blog by chance and have stuck around.

    -Brandy (@Letting_It_Fly)