Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dear Mom,

I better just spit this out while I still have it in me. I'm going to warn you, this isn't what you want to hear, but it's all I have to say on the matter.
So, Dear Mom,
I know we're not talking right now, or rather, you're not talking to me. I know we haven't had the easiest life. I am fully aware of the events that have taken place that have torn our lives into pieces. You used to be my best friend, but that changed. I grew up, I became the person I am. I have a college degree, I don't do drugs, smoke, drink, commit crimes, be mean or do much of anything, really. BUT I know I am not the person you wanted me to be. I am covered in tattoos, have big gaping holes in my ears, I didn't do anything with my degree, rather followed my dreams and now get to do what I love everyday. I don't save money, I don't really care about money, and I have horrible credit. I am in a serious, beautiful relationship that fills my entire life with joy. I adopted an incredible dog that you never opened up to because of his breed, even though he is the sweetest dog in the world. Then I got another, even though you said I shouldn't. I moved to California and you never thought that would happen, did you? And I'm happy. I know you never expected that, either. I'm not saying you're never right. You taught me a lot and I owe you a lot. But. There is always the but in our relationship, huh?

Mother's day is supposed to be a joyous occasion. Celebrate motherhood. You've never let me do that. It was just a "hallmark" holiday that we didn't believe in. We. What a funny term. I miss you, Mom, but I refuse to accept the choices you've made. I will not pretend or be in denial about the truths that will haunt me my entire life. But, I have healed. I am healed. I am proud of who I have become and I am happy. So. Fucking. Happy. And I love you, Mom. I always will, even if you never talk to me again for the rest of my life. I wish you understood me, I wish you tried a little harder. I wish you would change. But that doesn't stop me from loving you.

I am your only child.
I am my mother's daughter. Whether you like it or not.
Happy mothers day.



  1. oh beca, i really, truly wish i could just bear hug you right now. seriously, reading this was like reading a page from my own journal. i'm so sorry you have to go through this with your mom, but i'm happy that you refuse to sacrifice who you are for anyone. you are amazing, and i love you just like you are, tattoos, dogs, and all!

  2. thanks friend.
    I have no regrets. It's hard to love somebody when they make it so damn hard. But I do love my mom, we're just not even on the same planet right now, much less the same page.
    (bear hugs felt through inter-waves!)

  3. you're mom is missing out on a truly beautiful human being, that SHE created. <3

  4. hugs hugs hugs. no regrets-- i just love you for having no regrets and for loving her regardless. that's a beautiful thing my friend, you're a beautiful thing and pretty much my dream girl: tats, dogs, doing what you love INSTEAD of a degree... really my dream girl.

  5. Wow, I love this. I know exactly how you feel. My mom and I are speaking, but sometimes I think it would be better not to. Thanks for this (:

  6. XOXO.
    I am not in the exact same boat but some of this still sounded very familiar.
    I am so glad you are in such a good place about it.
    I was on an angry rant about my Dad last night. It doesn't happen very often anymore but I'd like to be more at peace with it than I apparently am :)