Saturday, January 15, 2011

I Hate Today.

So, the first hour of my day was fantastic, I made fry bread and we ate breakfast and watched cartoons and life was good. Coffee was good. Dogs were good. My incredible boyfriend was more than good. Then, you could probably start see the air around me begin to boil, I'm sure I would have noticed, had I not begun to melt. Absolute and total melt down. Without warning. I did 6 loads of laundry in tears, drank a huge, huge cup of Jamaica, made a half hearted to-do list, stopped by the post office, gloom and doom little black cloud over my head, and I didn't even know why!

So, homeward bound, stopped by with drinks and snacks for the boys while they worked on cars and grabbed the mail with arms full of laundry. Low and behold, my little black cloud grew into a big, black thunder storm. My license has been suspended. What next, world, what next do you have to throw at me. Through all the craziness of the move, a ticket I needed to take care of got shoved under the rug (my fault) and now, I definitely can't afford to pay it. So, no more driving. Another brick to add to my back. And YES, I know, it's my fault, but the tantrum was inevitable. I cried and I yelled and I crumpled up papers while on the phone with some stranger explaining to me that I have no other options than to pay the now doubled ticket and a reinstatement fee, but until then, no driving. I had a perfect driving record, until that stupid ticket that I got when I was puking my brains out from a 2 week long stomach flu and rushing to get some paperwork turned in asap. Ugh. Again, my fault, but still.

So, got that news, wont be able to take care of it right away, so looks like I am bike bound, boyfriend driving me around and walking my ass off, literally. This of course had to start asap, since I had to be at work at 5. I jumped on my bike, felt really great, got to work, worked a really busy shift that just seemed like it would never end. When it did end, back on the bike, and I have to say, it wasn't as easy as the trip to work. I made it about half way home, uphill the entire way (no joke,) stopped, put my forehead on my handlebars and cried out "WHEN THE FUCK IS THIS GOING TO GET EASIER?" and I don't know if I was talking about the bike ride, trying to get back in shape, or just everything, generally. EVERYTHING! I can't sugar coat things, especially my life, this is my outlet, and sometimes it isn't going to be happy. I wasn't happy riding my bike the rest of the way home, but I did it. I rode my bike through six miles of hills tonight, and I am proud. I'm not going to lie, I cried about 4 times during my shift tonight, called and texted Doug (my rock) all night, and Thank God for that. I don't know what I would do without him.

I made it home. Haven't even taken off my work clothes or shoes. I'm starving, and haven't eaten, I'm tired but don't want to sleep. I just want to sit here. And get this out of my system while I need it. Trying to relax and breathe and wait for my love to come home. I'm already ready for tomorrow. My Wednesday, since I just took on another shift for Monday.

Now, I really am hungry. Thanks for listening, blog world. Goodnight.



  1. Ugh, what horrible news. I'm sorry to hear about your license. I hope the bike riding gets easier and the sun shines for your trips!

  2. ohh! that sucks about your license, riding your bike will be much more fun though! it's the little things that count and make life awesome at points like these (as i scrounge through leftover pastries because we have no money to buy real food even though we're trying to eat healthier hahah). i wish things would get easier sometimes but then i meet rich kids whose first jobs will be as a barista (their nerdiness dream come true) while their parents are still paying their rent and then complain about how they had to serve non fat lattes all day (because the purists prefer whole milk)! i'm like wow man you may be set up cash flow wise but you are totally going to have a worse life than me if that's your attitude ... i hope this made sense. big hugs to you lady.

  3. Thanks ladies. Everything is so much better. All I needed was to talk to my bf and get it all out of my system. <3