A Sneak Peek

We're doing what we do best tonight, of course, relaxing super hard with Beetlejuice on TV. This week has been crazy long and busy. Today, after work, we got Subway and watched The Goonies, and waited for the postman to bring Doug's new toy. We got him a new Pentax I-10. It's so cute and tiny, and takes beautiful photos. His fancy Olympus is so big and bulky, that it's hard to take everywhere, but this little guy fits right in his pocket. It was a kind-of sort-of anniversary gift.

Yes, three years ago tomorrow was when it all started. It seems like soooo long ago, and although we have had our ups and downs, no matter, it has been a beautiful journey and I look forward to many, many more. And plus, I get a trampoline out of it! Ha! I also made us a cake. Doug loves chocolate and I don't, but when it comes to cake, I'll make him whatever he wants.

"The World's Greatest" is a R Kelly song that Will Oldham covered. It's a really beautiful song, by both of them, but I especially love Will Oldham's version as Bonnie Prince Billy. We saw Will Oldham about 2 years ago in Phoenix. It was an incredible show. The song "The World's Greatest" is one of our favorites. I always text Doug right before he goes into work, just little things, and one of them is "You are the world's greatest" so I though that would be appropriate to write on a cake. Trust me I stood over this thing for a good 10 minutes thinking about all the stuff I could write. It was almost "and they try to pick me up" a stupid line from a stupid commercial that we say to each other constantly. It would have only been funny to us.

So anyways, the real day is tomorrow, but it doesn't really matter. It's just a day, but really, it feels like we have known each other for a million years, and I can't imagine my life without him. I feel incredibly blessed and lucky to be so happy and so very in love.

Can't wait for the swap meet in the morning!

What are you doing for Easter??

xo,

Beca

And Eat Your Cake, Too!

One of my favorite parts about being a pastry chef is decorating birthday cakes. It's so incredible to be a part of somebodies happy day. And sometimes they're fun. sometimes they're weird, and sometimes they are just plain ridiculous.

And sometimes the story behind the cake is really sweet and it makes my heart warm with happiness to be a part of that special day. Like today, I made this giraffe cake for a woman's 84th birthday. Her son painted this giraffe from the San Diego zoo and she loved the painting so much she wanted it on a cake for her birthday. The requests were very detailed as you can see in the first photo, he even drew out a picture of what it "should" look like. Yellow buttercream, green details, exact giraffe, the giraffe's name below, and "Happy 84th Birthday Mom!" underneath. I am really happy with how it came out.

The next cake I did today was a 'boob' cake. And there really isn't much I can say about it, except that I giggled and blushed like a 13 year old the whole time I was making it. Not as bad as the vagina cakes last week that I refuse to share photos of.

And lastly, a sheet cake with baby Elmo on it for a one year old's birthday. I was pretty straight forward, and I was moderately happy with it, but next time there are some things I want to do differently, and probably would have made the balloons out of fondant. I was just running out of time, I was at work for 9 hours today!

I hope ya'll like taking a peek into what I do at work all day. I know it probably isn't as interesting as other stuff, like when I was a stay-at home dog mom, but I like sharing. I love hearing your thoughts on the projects that I share, too!

I hope you all have a great weekend. I can't wait until Sunday. It's our anniversary!! Goodnight, friends!

xo,

Bec

Relics

I collect. I hoard. I tuck little folded love notes in pockets and keep them for years in old cookie tins with Swedish lovebirds on the lid. I pick up stones, dry flowers and wrap candies in foil, just to remember the taste. I keep relics so that in 100 years, our love will never be forgotten. Between the pages of a 1960s photo album are memories and truths. Facts. Fortune cookie stories and faded ticket stubs. I know each one. This is what my heart looks like. Cut it open, and dried butterfly wings, rusted keys, bits and pieces of bracelet charms and jagged edged rocks will spill out.

These are my relics.

Each one is delicate and full of life. The pages breathe and the tin can pulses with my love.

These are my relics.

xo,

Bec

Be the Architect of Your Own Happiness

We all have our insecurities. Whether it be in our relationships. our body image, our job, the way we dress, or whatever. It's so common, I know, but it's hard to NOT feel totally alone and stupid for feeling that way. As I get older, it is easier to recognize my insecurities. It's hard to not fight them. Ignore them. Worry over them. I admit, there has been times in which I would fixate on something in my life and it would overwhelm me. I've been jealous, green with jealousy. Green until I turned red. Green until I hated myself for feeling full of jealousy or worry. And then, i learned how to talk. I am lucky enough to have a partner in my life who knows me better than I know myself. And when I feel jealous or self loathing or insecure, he knows. And we talk. He never over-assures me that I don't need to be jealous. He never gives into my self deprecation. Instead, we talk about why I am feeling jealous or being down on myself. He tells me what he sees and what is the truth to him. My life and relationship has never been healthy than it is today.

I am not perfect. Not by any means. And that is the beauty of it. I know that I could lose weight to be healthier. I am very, very aware of it. And I have my off days. I have days when I cry because I hate all of my clothes, or I look in the mirror and just don't like what I see. It's natural. I have been at my ideal weight, and I liked being there. I have also been on the other side of the spectrum. When I was dealing with depression some years ago, I was at my heaviest. I hated every part of my life and I used food as self-soothing medicine. I didn't love myself, and it showed. I hid under layers of clothing and long hair and just worked at eating myself to death. It was a really dark time in my life. And then I broke free. I lost over 80 pounds and learned how to love myself. Of course, I still had really hard days. And those days were full of binge eating. But I got help, I met the love of my life. I discovered bike riding. I learned how to enjoy food, and not use it as a tool. I got rid of all the negativity and hurt and just moved forward!

It's always been more than body image though. It took me a long time to discover who I was, and who I wanted to be. I went through a lot of dress styles, adapted to being a new weight, tried new things, made new friends, lost friends too. I don't regret anything. I'm not ashamed of anything. I experienced a lot of good and bad, and it has shaped me to who I am today. And here I am. For the most part, I love myself. I love my life and I feel happy. There are the obvious things that have been stressful, that I have mentioned in my blog and have shared with you. I worry about the everyday things like money and work. I will say that you will probably see less of that. I want my blog to be a positive place. It will, of course, pop up ever so often. But the more I eradicate it from my life, the happier I will be. The more I will love myself. The more I will love what I do.

I have to say though, I don't worry that much anymore. I never worry about my relationship, because I know I don't need to. It's unnecessary stress that I bring on myself. I don't worry about my job, because I know that if it doesn't work out, I can get another one. I don't worry about my family, because I know that I love them and they love me, regardless of the ups and downs we have had. I try not to worry about the way I look and just love who I see in the mirror. I know I can work on the things I don't like, but when it comes down to it, I am who I am and I'm beautiful. I have enough love in my life that I will never be hungry, I will never be homeless, and I will never be without love.

Trust me, none of this happened overnight. It has been a 10 year struggle. I'm turning 26 this year, and I am not a kid anymore. I have to pay bills, and I have creatures and an incredible man who rely on my to be in their lives. I am responsible for my future and I am responsible for my own happiness. I read once in this strange old 1950s palm reading book I found at a yard sale the sentence "You are the architect of your own happiness" and that has always stuck with me. Not that I am interested in palm reading, but was fascinated with the idea of palm reading in the 1950s. I still have that little book tucked away in our bookshelf. Just for that one sentence. I am building my future every moment, and I want to make it count.

I hope that by sharing this, you have gotten to know me a little better. This is where I come from and who I am today. I try hard to be happy and often times, don't have to try at all. I know that I am never alone. Whether it be my little family in this old house, or my blood family across the nation, my friends who I can hug and tell my secrets to, to my new blog friends who I have come to love. and care about. Even my puppies are a huge piece in the puzzle in my happiness and I am thankful to have their love. There is no guidelines for happiness. There is no specific way you are supposed to look, or dress, or feel. Blaze your own trail and be the architect of your own happiness!

xo,

Beca