Sometimes I feel like I am pretending to be an adult.
I don't think I have ever felt like a grown-up. I certainly don't act like an adult most of the time. I love pizza and scary movies and spending money on frivolous shit and I could live in cutoff shorts and a tee shirt. SO, I suppose, by most standards, I am NOT a responsible adult, I act like a teenage who has the house to themselves while Mom and dad are on a weekend trip. Except that I really do have bills and I have A LOT of responsibility running a business, and the money we spend is ours, not an allowance we got in an envelope for the weekend. Honestly, I'm not the best at bill paying or business stuff either - I'd rather have teeth pulled than sit down and pay bills or answer emails and crunch numbers (haha!) So what, are Doug and I less responsible than our peers? Are we a mess because we choose to live this way? When we lived in San Diego, I felt so out of place. Everyone we knew had these epic careers and it was all consuming. They would go on vacation to lay on the beach, even though we all lived on a mere hop skip and a jump from the beach. Does wearing business clothes, making bank and yelling "buy sell buy sell" into a blackberry define adulthood? Do people even still have blackberry's? Does having lunch dates and putting half a paycheck into savings make us more grown up? I wonder about these things and the path that we have chosen.
I'm 26, staring 27 right in the face. But I don't want to "grow up" by society standards. I love our life. We don't really play by the rules or live a typical lifestyle. Most of our friends are married and have a handful of babies. We don't want kids and we would rather do cool stuff now than save money in the bank. Truthfully, as always. But where is the line? We don't PARTY ALL THE TIME, PARTY ALL THE TIME. We work hard for the money we do make, and we prefer a life covered in tattoos and wood dust to one of brand new appliances and trips to Hawaii. I'm not knocking the life anyone else has chosen, but I am questioning how I feel about it. Sometimes I wonder if that is what I should be striving towards. Looming adulthood. Will it hit me when I'm 30, or 40, or 50. Will I still be covered in tattoos (hey man, the future is limitless) with no plans of owning a house or bearing children or retiring, for that matter. Or am I secretly striving for the American dream. Big house, nice car, white picket fence. I mean, honestly, I doubt that, but sometimes when we're at Home Depot buying supplies I find myself wandering the appliance section looking at the shiny front loading washers and the steel three door refrigerators and daydreaming about them in our house. And then I think about all the other things we could do with that $2000, and I walk away, completely satisfied.
The really rad thing about life is that you get to be the architect of yours. You make the rules and break them when you want to. You build the foundation that your life revolves around. I like that our house (which we rent) is rickety and old. I like that we leave clothes on the floor and pick them up when we feel like it. I love working from home and wearing shorts and teeshirts and leggings and socks to work. And sometimes I wear a dress and do my hair and even wear makeup. I work the hours that I want to, and I am responsible for us. I don't compare out lives to those around us, because we all make our own choices. We aren't any less or more adult than the next person, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm still playing dress up and make believe. If only the money grew on trees and didn't take staying up late for granted.
When I was a teenager, I only dreamed about being an adult. I wanted to get out of the house. I wanted to get tattooed, and have a house (if I remember correctly) with leopard print couches, ten- thousand records and I wanted to be an elementary school art teacher with . I used to draw pictures of myself as a grown up and surprisingly, my life isn't that off from what I imagined. I guess I never really wanted to a grownup....just an older version of my teenage self. Success. I vowed to never become my parents (at least who they were when I was in my early teens,) and I strive for a continued happiness, even when I'm having a bad day, or feeling bummed out, I know at the root of it that I am exactly who I want to be.
Do you feel like you have become the adult you expected? What do you think defines adulthood? I am curious on other peoples thoughts on the matter. Do you feel all grown up?