Let's get personal. I love my job, and I love what I do. Making sweet treats for people to love, enjoy and devour is my passion. I have been doing it for long enough to feel confident in my abilities and know that I am successful in getting extra attention in the bakery. It has been a strange transition, coming into this kitchen. As you know from my past posting, I have had some issues with my assistant, and communication with my bosses, but overall, until this morning, I was relatively happy.
But lest go back in time a little bit. When I first started working in this kitchen, little things would get under my skin. I usually brushed them off. Like how my name sounds a lot like "vaca" and if you aren't paying attention, you don't notice that the cooks all call me vaca, instead of Beca. Grown men, thinking it's funny to call a young woman, already concerned about weight and appearance, a cow. Feelings hurt, but persevere, that is what I did. I was annoyed when certain things started showing up missing, but just started making sure that I locked everything up extra safe. (absurd that anything needs to be locked up!) I turned the other cheek when mean notes were written to me on the tops of boxes in my bakery. I just crossed them out, often writing "that's mean" underneath. But now, enough is enough.
Today, some cruel soul smeared chewed bubble gum all over my handmade leather bike seat and ruined it. The seat was a gift from my boyfriend and is one of a kind. It has an anchor engraved on it and I have had it on my bike for years. It's ruined now. I don't know if you have ever tried to get gum off leather, but I spent an hour this afternoon trying to scrape it off, but it has morphed itself into my seat and messed up the leather. I am devastated. Not that Doug can't make me another bike seat. It's just a thing. But it isn't even just that. I am nice to these people. I am kind and helpful. I work hard and I do my job. I don't hurt anyone's feelings, I am friendly and always say thank you when the cooks make me lunch, always say good morning, say bye when I leave. I always say thank you when the dishwasher helps us wash our mixer. I am kind to my assistant, and although we have had to cut our hours, I still try and get her as many hours as I can.
I just don't know what to do. These people are adults. Not adults like you and me, they are grown men and women who have families, grandkids, and have been doing shit like this for years. I've heard stories about the past pastry chefs, also women, who couldn't handle it. I get it, I am a woman, I am young. I don't speak Spanish. I look different. But that is no excuse to be bullied into feeling uncomfortable in my work place. I am, of course, going to talk with my boss first thing in the morning. But this isn't about what will happen. This isn't about that.
I have spent my whole life being bullied. I am standing up and saying I am tired of it. I am too old to allow people to make me feel sad, angry, uncomfortable or inadequate. I am successful, I am loved. I have let people bully me my whole life. I have been weak and I have been sad. But, I am not anymore, and I have a lot of love in my life. And I refuse to be bullied, ever again. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or the next day, but I know how I am feeling right now and I don't like it.
But, after all is said and done, I will always live by my motto, I work to live, I don't live to work, and I know my own self worth. I know what I am capable of and I know who I am. I will never lose that and I have a lot to be thankful for. I am starting a list of things to be thankful for. Let's start at number 1 and see where it takes us.
1 // Sharing a bowl of cherries with the love of my life.
2 // Presents from friends that seem to turn the whole day sweet.
3 // Discovering a new recipe that I can't wait to try out tomorrow, in a miraculous cupcake form.
4 // Puppy kisses, first thing in the morning, and right before I go to bed, and all day in between.
5 // Riding my bike to work.
6 // Making perfect pink lemonade macarons.
7 // Planning trips to Northern California
8 // Snuggling with 8 week old puppies.
9 // Loving the life I am living and being a strong woman.
10 // Red stained fingertips from said cherries and not ever taking life too seriously.
And for a little musical inspiration, here is why life is like a bowl of cherries.