tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post6180478470057111386..comments2023-10-17T09:47:38.415-05:00Comments on BRACKISH: Friendships and Other Battles of the Heartbecahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-31970122758954434512012-11-25T21:26:14.578-06:002012-11-25T21:26:14.578-06:00I really related to all of this, right down to bei...I really related to all of this, right down to being with a gregarious social butterfly of a man. I love reading your blog-- it's honest and true, and never hipper than thou or cataloguing some unrealistic level of perfection. It's just your life, rad adventures and insecurities and all. If you ever want another friend in the Chattanooga area, get in touch. I feel like we could get along famously. Meghan O'Deahttp://www.meghanodea.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-47298516680691513132012-04-07T16:19:04.647-05:002012-04-07T16:19:04.647-05:00I've been saving this to comment on for awhile...I've been saving this to comment on for awhile, but I am glad I did because the comments were almost as amazing as your post :)<br /><br />I am in a similar boat, I moved recently (Well, OK, it's been a year and a half now) and it was really hard at first. I left a best friend and casual friends that I had worked really hard to develop relationships with. We luckily knew a few people here, but it was still hard. They were flakey and so different than me, and it was really, really hard on me to not take things personally. But I kept hanging out with them because "OMG I need friends!" But in the last six months I just sort of distanced myself, and tried to make more of an effort to friend friends who made me feel good about myself. It's been hard and I go through phases where it really bothers me, and others where it bothers me less. <br /><br />My husband is actually more shy than me (!) But, he is shy in a different way. So we totally reinforce shy habits in each other. Luckily, we have no problem being chatty with each other, the good part of marrying your best friend :)<br /><br />It does seem to be harder as you get older. Colin and I are in a position now where we are in our late twenties, but we don't have kids. We have a hard time relating to our friends who are still in that "21 year old mindset" but at the same time, we aren't in a place where we have a kids and the whole full-fledged adult life. <br /><br />Anyhow. I'll stop rambling now, as you can probably see from all the comments, you are definitely not alone in your feelings ! <3Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15089106133216000788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-68148617502338875102012-03-31T21:37:58.219-05:002012-03-31T21:37:58.219-05:00^^^dude. exact. same. as me. You literally just ty...^^^dude. exact. same. as me. You literally just typed out what I've been thinking in my head all month! My coworkers all got boyfriends, and two of my best friends moved, my other one studies every day, so now of course I realize that I need to maintain some other friendships. For some reason, maybe it's just me, but doing that in Chicago seems to be difficult because people are doing their own thing, or they already have a million freakin' friends.<br /><br />So last week, I met a girl who follows me on instagram (apparently we were FB friends too but i never pay attention to FB). She commented asking if I wanted to get coffee some time because her boyfriend lives in my neighborhood, and we did. We chatted for about 2 hours and then yesterday we went thrifting. Nerdy as it sounds, I'm so excited about it haha<br /><br />If only we can get all the girls commenting in one room, so we can be awkward together, and we can be completely comfortable about it. Advice? I really liked how my new friend flat out was like "Lets get coffee". I want to start saying that to more people.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02813628183029555686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-9979278580176866612012-03-31T13:34:23.730-05:002012-03-31T13:34:23.730-05:00It's like you're inside my head Beca. No j...It's like you're inside my head Beca. No joke. I've been thinking and dwelling on this exact subject for a while now, and especially since my husband and I moved here to san diego. I definitely feel like it's harder to make new friends in your late 20's, early 30's. And I'm a bit similar to you in that I'm kinda shy when I first meet people. Large groups make me nervous. I'm much better one-on-one.<br /><br />When I moved to Spain before coming here (to live on the military base there), it took me over a year to really open up and connect with a few good ladies who also lived there. Now they're my really good friends. So I feel like the same will probably happen here. I'm just slow to warm up I guess. Unlike my husband, who can walk into a bar and make three new friends by the time we leave.<br /><br />You also mentioned above about it maybe being harder to find child-less friends who are the same age as you.....I totally can relate to this. I'm 31, and most women my age have popped out a kid or two (especially the wives of my husband's co-workers....military wives are reallly good at making babies.) There's been a couple exceptions, but I find it difficult to connect with someone who's a mom (even more so when they're younger than me). Conversations always lead back to something baby or toddler-related, or I feel forced to ask about their kid, which just makes me feel awkward and out of place.<br /><br />Nevertheless, this is a great post, and I'm glad you wrote about this. It's nice to read other people's insights on this too :]Lisa Kimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11751657236609346029noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-90052673788717375282012-03-30T20:37:21.208-05:002012-03-30T20:37:21.208-05:00aw, this is great, and there are SO many people th...aw, this is great, and there are SO many people that feel the EXACT same way as you, but not many people talk about it. i think everyone just assumes that everyone else has a big group of friends that they hang out with all the time, but more often than not it just isn't true. and because of that, i always wonder why people are so shy or awkward about just starting up a friendship!<br /><br />i'm like you: potty mouth, no filter, completely honest, and maybe a little or a lot odd. i used to try my hardest to just fit in, but it's like swimming upstream with no rest - it's unnatural and just can't last. i don't have a lot of close friends, although i wish i had more, but i decided to just be myself, and people who can appreciate will find their way into my life, and me into theirs. there are still people i see occasionally, and i know we couldn't be close because i can't be the reserved, conservative friend they want (oh, and i don't have a baby), and i'm okay with that if it means not having to be someone other than me! so, after all this rambling, what i really mean to say is that you should always be you, and there will always be people who appreciate that, it just may take some looking to find them!danielle and dinosaur toeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09638415594400498236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-83881149818452936142012-03-30T18:50:03.500-05:002012-03-30T18:50:03.500-05:00Me too! I like keeping in touch with you, girl! Od...Me too! I like keeping in touch with you, girl! Oddly enough, it's on the internet that I feel like I have a difficult time making friends and forging good connections.E.Elizabeth/ With Care Jewels and Stuffhttp://withcaregoods.etsy.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-37083192515290280342012-03-30T11:58:21.850-05:002012-03-30T11:58:21.850-05:00Elizabeth, I always look forward to your comments,...Elizabeth, I always look forward to your comments, as I think we are very similar. Thank you!becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-3408794352991032442012-03-30T11:27:47.139-05:002012-03-30T11:27:47.139-05:00We really are so very similar. You have better sty...We really are so very similar. You have better style though! hehe.<br /><br />love you too.becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-22013622888672942342012-03-30T11:27:11.750-05:002012-03-30T11:27:11.750-05:00I cant wait for our lunch date! Thanks for your co...I cant wait for our lunch date! Thanks for your comment!becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-28360986492997773332012-03-30T11:26:47.198-05:002012-03-30T11:26:47.198-05:00I am so glad for your lengthy comment. I always ap...I am so glad for your lengthy comment. I always appreciate your comments. Finding a good group of friends isn't always easy and it can be so heartbreaking when you think you have a good group that falls apart. <br /><br />I wish we lived closer to get mexican food and walk the dogs!becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-48618501310864785362012-03-30T11:24:48.673-05:002012-03-30T11:24:48.673-05:00Hi Kaitlyn,
I had a VERY similar experience in col...Hi Kaitlyn,<br />I had a VERY similar experience in college. Its hard to not become super close to the first person you meet, but college is a great place to make life long friends and test the waters when it comes to friendships. I hope that your new friends are good to you and you do feel like you have be anything but you!<br />xo<br />Bbecahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-87987515668005727692012-03-29T19:15:57.958-05:002012-03-29T19:15:57.958-05:00You have no idea how much this post touched me. I&...You have no idea how much this post touched me. I'm a freshman in college this year, and I knew I couldn't stand living in my hometown any longer, so I moved about two hours away. I made a friend at orientation a couple months before the fall semester started, and she became my best friend. That was until we started hanging out with other people in my dorm, and she slowly began to show her true colors. She has been mean and cruel just for kicks and it drove me crazy because she was (I thought) all I had. Luckily, this semester I have begun spending more time with the other gal pals in my life including my fantastic roommate, and they are far more supportive and understanding than the first girl ever was.<br /><br />Sorry to ramble, but I just thought I'd share this revelation with you. I was forced to come to terms with the fact that it's okay to start over, even if it's scary as hell to be alone. It's better to be alone than have your life crowded with people who don't deserve the space.<br /><br />ps: I'd count myself lucky to be a friend to someone as quirky, talented, and sweet as you.<br />kthalsema@gmail.comKaitlyn Halsemanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-27263617530480386832012-03-29T18:57:47.797-05:002012-03-29T18:57:47.797-05:00Its so rad to meet bloggers in the flesh! I hope y...Its so rad to meet bloggers in the flesh! I hope you have a good experience! xoxobecahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-47555676714518445592012-03-29T18:45:55.541-05:002012-03-29T18:45:55.541-05:00<3 you tooo<3 you tooobecahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-61276704098013353672012-03-29T18:45:36.369-05:002012-03-29T18:45:36.369-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-7065388051526015332012-03-29T17:54:51.237-05:002012-03-29T17:54:51.237-05:00i <3 you
xo,
Ki <3 you<br />xo,<br />KBuenoBuenohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12510353624807070082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-42715714354938512672012-03-29T17:09:59.818-05:002012-03-29T17:09:59.818-05:00Thank you Carly. I think I am a great person too, ...Thank you Carly. I think I am a great person too, not in boisterous way, but I try to be rad....but friendship is still tricky for me...becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-4676183621590058832012-03-29T16:58:52.546-05:002012-03-29T16:58:52.546-05:00I certainly should try some groups, that may help!...I certainly should try some groups, that may help! That's such a great suggestion!becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-52827206414918275942012-03-29T16:58:00.562-05:002012-03-29T16:58:00.562-05:00Polly, thanks for you comment. Do you think having...Polly, thanks for you comment. Do you think having kids changes how to seek friendships as an adult. I know all of the women i know with kids tend to hang out with each other, which is another thing, we don't have kids so its been harder for me to make friends with women my age who are moms. If that makes any sense...becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-5210595543857869592012-03-29T16:37:50.067-05:002012-03-29T16:37:50.067-05:00Susannah,
I am so glad to know that you can relate...Susannah,<br />I am so glad to know that you can relate and I totally understand giving off the wrong vibe. I am obviously insecure, so people probably get that right away, but when you are able to appear comfortable, I'm sure people cant see the real you. I know, just from our emails and texts that you are incredible, and if we met at a coffee shop or book store or wherever, I think we would still be friends which is pretty rad. Thanks for your comment and our ongoing emails last night kept me from sobbing. love.becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-27456319087200299592012-03-29T15:17:27.117-05:002012-03-29T15:17:27.117-05:00totally get you lady - i could have written that p...totally get you lady - i could have written that post myself! i moved schools lots as a kid, and always felt like the awkward new girl who never made friends. <br /><br />my teens were pretty traumatic in so many ways, and i just never quite figured out the whole 'making friends' thing. <br /><br />my husband is really social and has a tonne of friends. me, well, i'm shy and awkward and have a tendancy to say stupid things ;p<br /><br />like you I'm incredibly insecure which can make me come across as bratty.<br /><br />it's taken me 30 years to figure out that i am an awesome person... and that it's ok to like spending time byself. i have made myself make more of an effort into 'real life friendships'... but i think i'm destined to be that weird loner girl forever!!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06309815229103285726noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-5162382651151285262012-03-29T14:43:18.644-05:002012-03-29T14:43:18.644-05:00Don't you wish making friends as an adult was ...Don't you wish making friends as an adult was as easy as sharing your blue crayon or swapping sandwich triangles at lunch? Or that getting rid of those who don't suit you was as easy as saying "YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE!"? When you're young, it's easy. You're in school and you're in an environment where you're forced to interact with the people around you, you have to team up for projects or pick partners for activities, you almost have to make do with what you've got or you'll be lonely with no one to trade juice boxes with. As an adult, making friends is a whole different ballgame, and the best most awesome part is that you get to choose your family. I'm an only child too and I spent a lot of time (and still do!) keeping myself entertained, talking to myself (in the most non-crazy/crazy way), and finding ways to make myself happy...the best thing in the world is knowing that you get to choose who your brothers and sisters are, but finding your tribe isn't always easy. Chad and I mostly work from home and when we lived in Humboldt we lost the few friends we had when we moved there to some eye opening shit (sometimes you have to weigh the pro's and con's of your friendship, and sometimes you have to know when it's okay to let go)...it was hard to go from our "old life" in Arizona where we knew tons of people and were greeted with friendly faces and familiarity everywhere we went, to our "new life" in California where no one knew us, where we were quite obviously the new kids in town (with our tattoos and black clothes among a sea of rainbow tie-dye and dreadlocks). We lived there for 6 years and our best friend was a 60-something year old woman whom we dubbed our "fairy godmother", she is still one of the most amazing people I know and I am so happy to be able to call her a friend. And while there were times where we wished there were people our own age to hang with (we aren't bar people or club people), we were so thankful to have that one person we could call to go out to mexican food with or to walk dogs or bigfoot hunt with. Now that we're back in AZ we have reconnected with some of our old friends, and we're fortunate enough to have made a few new ones...but I'm not too quick to throw around the word "friend", so I suppose for now I'm still considering then acquaintances. Anyway, the point is that you have to look at your life in a new way, get a fresh perspective on things...maybe at this point in time you aren't supposed to have a slew of friends, maybe right now you are supposed to focus on you, maybe you are supposed to be putting that energy and love that you would be putting into friendships into your relationship with Doug. Chad is my very best friend (for 10 years!) and I know, like I know like I know like I know, that as long as I have him, everything will always be okay. I would rather hang with him than hang with anyone else, and maybe that sounds silly, but I don't connect with anyone the way I connect with him. I have one best girl friend in San Diego and one great girlfriend in Phoenix, and that's about it. I can count all of my actual friends on one hand and I am totally okay with that. We are community seekers by nature, we do better in numbers because deep down we know that we can't possibly do it all on our own...but sometimes it's important to find that wholeness within yourself before you can really open up and receive. You aren't meant to exist on your own, but you are here to find out who you are and what you need. I kind of think it's like finding a mate, when you're looking it's just not happening, but the moment you start focusing on yourself and doing you, that's when you'll find what you were looking for. Sorry to be so long winded...but you know what I'm sayin'...I feel ya! ;)<br />Hugs and High Fives!<br />-MMeeshOne.Lovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10581270969107599572noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-41337802188239077902012-03-29T13:33:53.719-05:002012-03-29T13:33:53.719-05:00XOXOXOXO
I hear you on the making friends front. I...XOXOXOXO<br />I hear you on the making friends front. It's tough, meeting someone you really click with, when there isn't school or something to introduce you to a ton of people so you can meet that special one or two! I became friends with a girl at my new job & "adopted" her as my little sister, and now she's moving to Calgary & I'm in a bit of denial. I love her and am totally gonna cry when she goes. She's the first new friend I've made that I really clicked with in a lonnng time.<br /><br />See if you can find a craft night, art class, reading club... something along those lines in your area. If you go to a few of those you probably stand a better chance of meeting a kindred spirit!<br />I am still desperately waiting for teleporters to be made so that we can go thrifting & bike riding with our distant blogger pals :)<br /><3Stina Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02269838319749049364noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-50851058820461550412012-03-29T12:33:03.431-05:002012-03-29T12:33:03.431-05:00I really enjoyed reading this post, while I wish I...I really enjoyed reading this post, while I wish I had a magic cure for you or some sort of advice on how to make friends, it's not that easy. I think it's awesome that you re-connected with an old friend as that is never easy...I mean it is, technically all you had to do was send a text right? But emotionally, it's not easy. I love blogging for the friendsghips I have made too...and it makes me sad/mad/angry every damn day that we don't all live in the same town haha...but I guess that's kind of part of the fun right? There's always the opportunity to visit.<br /><br />Good luck m'dear! You are a great person so I find it surprising that you don't make friends easily.miss teacupshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00140231582912324769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9085217744037545792.post-69829461459678833072012-03-29T11:57:30.214-05:002012-03-29T11:57:30.214-05:00is it April 11th yet?????is it April 11th yet?????becahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11678627563483445451noreply@blogger.com